Life… life is so hard. Some phases of life come with more pressure, more pain, and more trauma than we think we can handle.
Then that feeling creeps in. I know that feeling. The feeling of just wanting to go to sleep and never wake up again. The feeling of being mentally, emotionally, and physically so exhausted that all you want is for it to stop.
I’ve battled that feeling. I still battle that feeling.
My first battle with that feeling came in adolescence. Now, at 26 I can say that I’ve won every battle against that feeling! I can’t say that it was ever an easy battle but I can say I’m glad I’ve fought it.
On the days when that feeling is fighting to have a place in my life. I like to list out events I want to live for. Things I want to live to see. People I want to live to meet.
I repeat my list, outloud. And I tell myself the feeling can’t win till I accomplish everything on my list. I never make it too long, or too extravagant. I make a list that’s reasonable and achievable for me. I don’t make a list of dreams and fantasies… because of course I want to meet Beyoncé but that’s not something I can live for.
Right now, that feeling is creeping up again… so I’m going to repeat my list outloud.
Reasons to live:
1.) to make it home this coming weekend and spend time with my family
2.) to have a great workout at Pilates next week
3.) to hold out for Thanksgiving so I can eat the all creole food in Louisiana
These few things I’m going to focus on till that feeling creeps away. My little list helps me remember that are things in this hard life that I’m looking forward to even when that feeling tries to tell me differently.
I hope that feeling doesn’t bother you, but if it does next time try making a little list for yourself.
-Miranda Grace